I was just like you, like everyone else, I turned a blind eye to the kids with family problems. The kids that were dirty, running around the neighborhood with no guidance. I wanted my kids to steer clear of these children. I guess you could have called me a snob.
My husband had a different view. These kids were always welcome in our home. He would bring them in offer them clean clothes, wash what they had on, offer them clothes to take home that were not so worn. He allowed them to stay as long as they wanted, sometimes until ten at night. He would ensure that they were fed, even if we did not have much food, he wanted these kids to see they had somewhere to go--that someone did care. He would send food home with them, if we had extras. A few children could not attend the summer programs on field trip days, because the parents could not afford their cold lunches, upon finding this out he insisted we make them cold lunches along with our kids and drive them to make sure they made it on the field trips.
Brian did whatever he could for kids. He always claimed he hated kids but his actions spoke so much louder than his words. Even in his passing I have had numerous people tell me how amazing he always was to their kids, acknowledging their presence and always very polite to them.
I remember one child that my son was friends with in 5th grade. I wanted my son to steer clear of this kid. The kid was not from a good home, my son informed me the kid had been to the Wyoming Behavioral Institute, WBI, because he tried committing suicide by sitting in the snow hoping to freeze to death. I was afraid that the kids emotional problems would expand onto my son. It wasn't that I thought the kid was awful, we were just trying to deal with our own tragedy, and I was afraid my son might think this was a normal way to cope. It was my husband that overheard me telling my son to steer clear that he intercepted:
"Why would you tell him to stay away from him? Those are the kids you should want to help. Maybe with Jordan's good influence then maybe we could save his life and show him a better way. You of all people I would think should appreciate that."
I had never been so humbled in my life. I realized then the things I was saying and never again would I turn my back on a child in need. It was Brian that opened my eyes to children outside of my own and the help that they needed.
Brian would give advice to children that would walk through our doors, sometimes to the point of annoyance. Kids would sometimes make comments that he was not their dad, not realizing he was just trying to help them make right choices. My sons would bring friends over with a broken bike and he would take apart his own bike to put the good parts on the kids bike to take home. If he saw one of the kids without shoes he would go get shoes and then lecture them on the importance and safety of wearing shoes. Sometimes it was exhausting watching him work so tirelessly. I don't think a single kid that walked through our door was a stranger, he would talk to them, lecture them, or yell at them as if they were one of our very own.
It was through Brian that I met a lot of kids from homes of drug addicts. I want you to realize that at this time Brian was not using, he just somehow was able to attract friends that were connected to addicts, or the addict themselves. These kids would be locked out of their homes during the days to fend for themselves as their parents were getting high in the house, or getting drunk. Brian always encouraged the kids to come over anytime they wanted so they didn't have to spend their entire days outside and not getting adequate care and food.
It was through this act of kindness that I saw what he was doing. These kids are all locked out of their homes while their parents are feeding their addictions. The way I see it, is that to him these kids were a reflection of himself at a young age. They don't know where they belong, they are not allowed in their own homes, the neighbors, and the "good" kids families ignore them and don't necessarily want them around. So what happens to these young children? They are alone, neglected, and when they become teenagers trying to find their place in the world, seeking the same acceptance he did as a child, there will come a day when they knock on their own door wanting to belong, so they join their parents, their family, and join in the addiction, because where else are they going to go? Who else will accept them and welcome them? They are just trying to find a place they belong, where they are accepted.
Brian tried to always give children a place to go. A door to knock on that they could be accepted, a place that would not encourage them or even allow them to travel down the road he did, the road their parents did.
I learned a lot from my husband. The life he lived, and how simple things we do can actually make a difference, just showing kids, showing people that you care. He would always tell me that maybe when he was a kid, if someone had fought for him, not allowing him to go on his own to a place he didn't belong, that maybe he could have turned out differently... Then again, if he had I may never have met him, fallen in love with him, and learned all I have about life and people. I may not have ever gotten to learn what true love was all about.
I hope whoever is reading this can learn to open their eyes like I did, and offer these kids a chance. They may just need something as simple as a cold lunch, a pair of shoes. They need hope, and someone who cares enough to open their doors and show them a better way to a better life.
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