Ghost House

My oldest son seems to be struggling with the loss of Brian the most. He is rarely home, consistently escaping when he can. During the weekdays he goes and does homework, or so he claims, at a friends house or the library. I wish I had the emotional strength to verify that he is actually doing the homework. I am so afraid I will just be angry and more upset if I look at his grades and see that he, in fact, is not doing what he says he is doing.

We don't have internet right now, after all of the money I have spent for Brian's services, and traveling I am running in the red for my account and cannot afford to have internet, so he goes where ever he can to find a connection, for school work or play.

Sometimes he leaves without telling me, and then doesn't come home at night. Finally I laid into him about taking off and always being gone. I know he is a good kid, so I am not concerned he is making bad choices, yet anyway.

I asked him what was going on, why was he not home, was it because it's hard? Is he missing Brian that much?

His response "Yeah, I miss him, it's hard being here without him, it's like living in a ghost house without him here."

I didn't know what to say. He pretty much summed up exactly the way it feels in our home. Brian was such a huge presence in the house. The house was always clean and orderly, he was very vocal telling the kids what to do. He would ensure they were always at the table doing homework after school, checking bag packs. Making sure they were taking showers and getting to bed on time. Sports were always playing in the back ground and you could hear him yelling at the television, or music blaring throughout the house.

Now it's just silence. You can hear the kids laughing, joking, fighting, but it's the deafening silence that you hear throughout the house. We can't escape it, it's everywhere we turn. His ghost lingers there, it may not be a physical ghost that you see on television, but it is his missing presence.

We all feel it. We all miss him...