No, I Don't Use...

This is a common misconception people have. Because my husband was an addict and continuously battled his addiction does not mean that I too abuse drugs. After years of being with an addict, I have learned a lot about addiction as well as outsiders view on addicts and their relationships.

Not all relationships are built on drugs. There are friendships, family connections, coworkers, spouses, and significant others. This does not mean that they too are abusing drugs. I understand that it's "guilt by association"; this is exactly the image I am trying to stop.

I was the calm my husband needed to pull him back when he was losing control. He needed me to stay grounded, stay calm, and be his support. I will not lie that sometimes out of total desperation, and lack of understanding this life, I would tell my husband maybe if I abused drugs then I could understand and relate somehow. I hated that he had these connections with others in a world I did not belong in.

My husband was adamant that I do not ever even experiment or try to travel this road with him. He always told me that it does not make things better in the relationship, but worse. He needed me to focus on the kids, the house, and support him when he needed to lean, and give him a reason to fight to be better for us.

I have never been high a day in my life. I have tried smoking pot 4 times in my entire life and all it managed to do was burn my lungs and give me a headache, so I never tried again.

I realize that a lot of people tend to also leave these kind of relationships. I am not saying it is wrong, or right, but for me it was worth holding on to. He was worth fighting for. I held faith in the man I love. I believed in him. The one thing I strongly believe all addicts need, is hope. Some one that has faith in them and believes in them. Especially when society does not.

I knew how amazing my husband was, I saw it daily. Some days we lost the fight. Sometimes the addiction took the better of him, and our lives. I always told him that as long as he is willing to keep fighting against his addiction I will always be there to see him through it and fight beside him--and I did.

I may have lost my husband to his addiction, but I refuse to stop believing in my husband and the man that he truly was. I hope to stand up and fight with him, against addictions, and help support and believe in those that battle addictions. As well as the loved ones of those battling addictions.

I may have lost my husband, but my fight is not over, and neither is his, because I will continue to fight for him...